To Sarkin Zazau

Re: That African Brief

Sir:
Prince Albert and Lady Beatrix were greatly delighted
at our communion. My, I haven't laughed so long since
I was at the University in Buffalo, where our Jamaican
friend, Dreadlock Dexter, made weekly barbecues where all
the immigrants got together and had fun. But you are,
sir, a King and as with all Kings I expect that you are
busy. Thank you, then, for representing Sultan Abubakar.
It was a great honor.

And so you see, the Dutch were not trying to trick you
with the beer factory. They were, in fact, curious
about our moral ways--the ways of the man of Sokoto.
I expect that after our presentation they are now
impressed by the Islamic Faith as it is practiced in
parts of Northern Nigeria. If only our nemesis,
Dr. Ali Waziri, were to learn something from us. Alas,
he will not forget the days of torture in Egypt, despite
the reaching out of Mubarak Ajayi-Obe. We pray for
peace, in any instance, that Allah might continue to shine
his light upon us.

The daughter of the infidel, Paul Odeh, came to my office
the moment I returned. She wanted a job, or so she said.
Being of good comportment I interviewed her and found her
to be a stellar daughter of Nigeria. And yet, born in America,
the Americans have found this out already. She was granted
recognition for her role as an actress, and she is only six
years old! As such, in honor of Brigadier Danmadanmi, I made
her--without consulting the Elders--the Serattu of Zazau. I'm
sure when you see her smile you and no elder would object. As
for her father and his treachery, Islam insists we grant him
a choice. Since I have moved beyond the elder's reach in naming
his daughter the Serattu of Zazau, maybe you will do me a favor
and instead YOU give him the choice. Our Father, Dan Fodio, would
have wanted it ... this way.
Mwalekum Salaam!