UI Stories

I attended the University of Ibadan for one academic session then half a semester. By the second session I knew I was traveling to Yankee so I became unserious. Even so, even if things had gone the way society wanted it to, I hated Electrical Engineering then, though I love it now and am soon to be a master at it. Here are some stories from UI to warm your heart:
***

Olads and I got to Popeye to "beg" him after we hear word that he is rallying "mafia" to beat us. Why? Olads and I were comedians, but Popeye was not the sort of man you joked about, unless in secret. But our jokes were too funny to be kept secret.

***
Aji Raps says to me, in Front of Laura's ex-boyfriend, "Ah! Gaga! Which one is it, now? Shey na Laura? Or na Yetunde? Or na..." he kept going. I knew, then, that my life was in danger. Laura was this fellow's ex-girl, he a senior boy, she a senior girl by all standards of UI. How did she come to break up with this fellow and end up disvirgining me? UI was a tale for the ages.


***
Lola Kuffy sees me an Laura in intense dialog near tech. "Hmmm!" she says, walking by. I say nothing, smiling, knowing I'd been caught. "Gaga Ekeh!" she says. "Hmmm!" Lola Kuffy was Sherifat's close friend. Sherifat was my girlfriend at the time.

***
Wagzy fights for my two hundred naira after a gig. I mashed up the university with my rendition of Omoge and a few other contemporary hits. I became the toast of UI immediately after, my main memory being of Bamo's sister and her friends yelling my name at Awo, asking me to come and "sign my signature" on Bamo's sister's yansh. Alas, twaz not to be...

***
I go pick up my loot from Wagzy at Mellanby, very appreciative of the way he fought for me, after all he got me that gig. Wagzy was a dancer extraordinaire, and we collaborated on occasion. Opening the door to his room I saw Blessing lying naked on the bed. My eyebrow raised. Blessing was the girl Spyke was gbenshing. A very sexual Calabar thing, sex with her must have been heavenly to these men. She was just sex, local Calabar sex, dripping. She saw me. Our eyes met. She knew me well, as Spykes perhaps best friend. So her eyes enticed me... and I imagined it... sex with her... as she wanted me to... so I didn't tell Spyke.... and I would've gbenshed that chick too later on... How do I know-? Well...

***
Bianji of Black Axe demonic confraternity was strolling from near Oba Dam one day, going back to campus, when I stopped to give him a ride.
"Chai! Gaga!" he said over and over and over again, "If I had access to this car, do you know how much sex I'd be having?" It was heavily implied, that if I was to be his driver, i'd be in on the perks too. And so I was primed to join Black Axe... but then, a fight broke out (you will not believe who it broke out over) ... and before I could join either of the two demonic confraternities who wanted me as their resident musician, I was whisked to the safety of hip hop heaven in yankee.