Of Women and Mice

I've been functionally celibate for, oh, 8 years or so. I'm like any other man, but at the moments of decision I feel superhuman. I found out, in '99, that a certain sort of woman found me very sexually attractive and handsome. When it became consistent, then I sought to see if amongst these women were some of the ones I'd consider supreme physical beauties, regardless of inner concerns. Indeed, some of the women who find me sexy are some of the more beautiful you'll find in this era. It is why I am patient. I am working hard on my internals, my inner beauty. I've been doing so for the past 8 years. The outer beauty is just a matter of exercise and good diet. I'll get that back in one year, guaranteed.
Well, there's this girl who is quite pretty. Evidently she is intrigued by me and, evidently, may not be uncomfortable in the least having me as a prime male figure in her life. Initially I didn't take her seriously. I'm her guardian angel (in the arts I'm a guardian angel) so I just carried her to where her destiny was leading her (she's some sort of jazz star in the future). Well, by December it became apparent to me that she was very seriously considering making me a part of her life. Is the way I read it. I still didn't take her seriously. Now she gets in touch and tells me she's going through rough time, that the current man in her life took her for granted, blah blah. Why did this make me begin to take her seriously? I haven't the foggiest. The irony consists of the fact that over the past few days I have been very clear about my priorities, of which such a female companion is not one. And yet I now often think of this lady, sexually... why? What will happen? It is hard to predict, since we are becoming close friends... but she and I were not meant to be an item. I'm way too "old" a spirit for her right now. She has a lot of growing to do. The sad thing is that she, obviously, is to be a phenomenal woman in the future, when she gets to her thirties. I probably wont' be around to tap into that then... it is why, I suspect, I'm forcing myself to take her seriously now... I don't think I should.